How to remove the LNBF in teeny tiny type

How to remove the LNBF in teeny tiny type
Originally uploaded by jessamyn.

Dear Dish Networks,

I was mightily impressed when our Dish was installed. Watching your installer guy climb around with heavy tools on ladders and rooves was inspirational and even somewhat mystifying.

When my landlady moved on and I decided I no longer needed a zillion channels of television, imagine my surprise when I realized that I would be expected to climp up on my own roof to remove the LNBF from its position at the center of my Dish. Fortunately, you provided instructions and a box.

However, while I am pleased with your concern and your entreaties to "use caution when climbing and working at the dish mounting location" I was less pleased with being told I had ten days to accomplish this task or pay you $149. You see, it's wintertime in New England and climbing and working are two things that we New Englanders like to do less of when there's ice on the ground, roof, ladder and Dish.

I exaggerate for effect, actually it was only pouring rain today. However, since snow is forecast for later in the week, I thought it might be good to get this out of the way before the freeze. You see, I enjoyed satellite television while I had it, but I am not willing to die for it. I'm a little concerned that climbing up on the roof of my Victorian house with a phillips head screwdriver in hand might be considered suicidal enough during a rainstorm.

Your directions were less than clear. I'd like to blame my own failing eyesight but alas even with a close inspection in good light it appears that the arrows and labels that you used to identify the various parts of the LNBF were blurry even at significant magnification. This may have been due to your "one sheet for all eleven varieties of Dish" schematic approach. Next time you might want to consider maybe limiting the diagrams to five or six per page.

Next time you might want to mention what LNBF stands for.

Next time you might want to mention in your directions that while your diagram shows a "switch" as being part of the items that MUST be returned, in fact not all customers will have a switch. The nice man on the telephone informed me that I did not have a switch.

Next time your installer guy might want to say "Take careful notes because if you ever cancel your service, this will be your ass up on this ladder!"

I say next time, but there will not be a next time, Dish Networks. I got my LNBF taken apart -- after first removing the protective "shroud" -- and I unscrewed the coax cables. Now I'm returning the remaining Dish to the klatsch of ladybugs that seemed to be happily nesting in a place that I was less than happy to be.

After I drive the 40 miles round trip to my nearest UPS drop-off location with the prepaid box, I will go home and sit by my darkened television and I will turn on the radio. The radio is free, and its antenna works comfortably from inside my house. No hard feelings, I hope.

Your former customer,

Jessamyn

8 Comments Comment feed

[this is good] Low-Noise Block with Feedhorn, I believe. (Geeking out here, but the feedhorn gathers the signals reflected by the dish and channels them to the amplifier/signal converter, or the Low-Noise Block. Essentially, it takes the satellite signals and converts them to a signal that your receiver can understand.)

Posted by: Vidiot | 12/01/2006 at 09:22 PM